The whole idea of Twitter is to allow you to connect with other people by sharing your thoughts or anything that you need to say. You are given the complete freedom to actually say anything you want, but please remember that nobody gave you the right to abuse the privilege.
Setting limits as to what you actually post on your twitter page may save your life from a deranged pervert or a disturbed hobo, disguised as one of your followers, just waiting for the right twit like “I’m getting myself a Starbucks” or “I feel like going out for a walk, on a dark night and stroll in an even darker alley for no reason.” It’s just scary how some people can’t keep some things to themselves, even the things that some people may find unnecessary or sometimes offensive.
No, it’s a different case with Kim Kardashian. She gets paid to do it.
1. The el-cheapo.
Just do away with overly mushy expressions of love to your partner. Yes, we understand your need to profess to the whole twitter world how much you love your err, current flame, but please do it privately. You mean you’re too cheap to waste a few precious bucks to make that call? Do us all a favor and stop twitting those poems written by a love guru. And complete with quotation marks?! Puhlease! You mean you can’t even compose your own love poem?
2. The live-status updates
You don’t need to twit about that nagging feeling of people talking about you behind your back. So what if it’s true that you are not brushing your teeth as frequent as you need it, you don’t need to defend yourself on twitter! All you need is an honest friend and a breath check, or maybe an oral hygienist if worse comes to worst. If you feel you can’t hold on to it anymore, and this brings you into some transcendental stage, an illuminating and enlightening experience that provides answers to your questions, then get some journal and write about it. We still don’t care.
3. The dirty linen
If you are in a love-hate relationship with the world, don’t twit everyone about it. The world has had enough of hate crimes. Personal attacks and racial slurs doesn’t tell anything about you, except the fact that you are a mean and hateful person, and that you should go to hell with your freakin’ messages and your half wit… (clears throat). Why don’t you just spread love and messages of meetings and events that need R.S.V.P. A.S.A.P.?
4. The ctrl-c , ctrl-v expert
Inspirational messages on Twitter are just as uninspiring as Hallmark quotes. We know that you’ve heard it somewhere, from a movie, or from someone. And you felt from the moment you heard it the desire to share it with others. Post it on Facebook. It makes more sense there.
5. The celebrity wannabe wanna-see
If you are not a celebrity then there is no reason for you to act like one. Unless you have thousands of followers, keep us away from your fashion forecast for next summer.
6. The TMI (Too much info)
The world doesn’t need to know you are going to the bathroom, or anywhere else for that matter. It’s one thing that you twit every (read: insignificant) movement that you make but it’s another thing to be posting exact information of your location. You may have this false humility of thinking that no one would really care so much about it but then again, you simply cannot tell the odds. You might just end up on tomorrows front-page, and you can no longer twit about that, can you?
7. We don’t really need to know
Nobody really cares if you had a bad day, because you may be surprised to know that everybody does! You mean you really want your boss to find out that you managed to lose one major deal that was supposed to save the company from bankruptcy? Are you sure you want to inform your in-laws that you somehow found a way to get rid of the neon green sheets they bought for you half price at Bed, Baths, and Beyond? Think about it.
People love attention. And if you’re someone who makes 20 twits per minute, not counting the precious seconds for “backspace” and “enter”, don’t say that you just want to share. I can just make the most hateful twit about you if you do.
Oh, while you’re at it, follow us on twitter! We promise not to update every time we walk the dog.