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Housebandry: Six Reasons Why Husbands Shouldn’t Be Left at Home

Ladies, you must know by now that happily-ever-afters just don’t exist. That princes don’t actually go barging in castles to save you from the proverbial evil stepmother. Or maybe, overprotective or annoying or too loving parents, in some cases. That when you turn 30, the most important question is not how much you have in your savings account, but actually, where to find a husband, or what to do to get married. Sometimes you’d wish there are articles that help one how to get a husband. In the same way probably that men also wish that they can find a woman who will live just to solely serve them.

When you finally find a man you would like to marry, the next goal is to get that man to marry you. Because of course, you just can’t drag the poor fellow to church or the city hall or wherever you get married these days, yeah? So the checklist should really be: find a guy or find a boyfriend, get that guy to marry you then be ready to hurdle the next challenge: managing a household.

A woman doesn’t have any qualms about being a stay at home mom. That has always been the norm, right? It will be very difficult to find a man who would adhere to being a stay at home husband or father. It’s their pride dictating them to go out, work for a day and provide all their family’s needs and wants. And by God’s grace, even if you find a man who’s willing to be a house-band, we strongly suggest that you don’t let him. Why? Let us count the ways:

1. Men are hopeless couch potatoes

Men are hopeless couch potatoes

Men are hopeless couch potatoes

If and when the magical genie appears to you, don’t ask to “find me a husband.” The statement should be: find me a husband who’d be willing to cook, babysit, vacuum, do the laundry and make me his queen. Because if you don’t, chances are, you’ll end up doing everything, while your Brad Pitt-looking hubby sits in front of the TV, munches on popcorn and only lifts his feet when you poke him with the vacuum cleaner. Think you can leave your household with this kind of person? No, we don’t think so, too.

2. Men just don’t have the eye for details

Mothers always advise their boys to get a woman who has the keen eye for details (just like her, of course). But what happens if that woman who has the eye for details has a high-flying career and ends up taking care of the family while the husband is left to manage the home? Can we spell disaster? Unless you’d want pink curtains, purple throw pillows, green and red linens and bedsheets, pots and pans everywhere, unfolded laundry littering the room, wilted flowers on the table and God knows what else, you’re better off running the household than your husband whose only expertise is basketball and baseball.

3. Men are scared of blood, and poop

Men are scared of blood and poop

Men are scared of blood and poop

Yes, friends, our strong, able-bodied and macho male counterparts do feel faint when faced with blood (free-flowing, spurting from a fresh wound blood) and poop (warm, sticky, smelly poop). How can anyone who gets grossed out with poop take care of two toddlers and one baby on his own? It’s probably easier to find love than change a baby’s diaper, you know. It’s much much easier though to call out, “Honey, little Ben’s wet his pants again!” So mothers, for the sake of your husband’s, your own and your future children’s sanity, please avoid a man who works from home and volunteers to man the household, pun intended. You may never like what would welcome you every afternoon.

4. Men have very little patience

One may ask, how to find a guy who has the patience of a mother and will take his time to do all tasks lovingly and thoroughly? The answer? No man can ever have the patience of a mother. Men, well, most men, that is, have the patience as short as a matchstick. As soon as their own personal timer runs out, they can easily go ka-boom! So how can you expect your husband to watch over the simmering stew, wait for the laundry to dry before piling them on the laundry room, patiently teach little Martha to write or vacuum every little crumb of biscuit on the couch? They would devise a shortcut for every task they have to do if and when they can and we’re sure, you wouldn’t like that, women of the house.

5. Men can barely survive the kitchen

Men can barely cook

Men can barely cook

Oh, forget Anthony Bourdain, Jaime Oliver and all those hunky chefs strutting their stuff on TV. Half of the male population cannot cook, and wouldn’t even want to enter the kitchen. What happens if your dreamboat happens to be part of that kitchen-traumatized half? Can you honestly say you can endure burnt toast in the morning, overcooked chicken at lunch and Chinese takeout during dinner for the rest of your life? So we say, the words marriage, husband, kitchen and stay-at-home shouldn’t be put in the same sentence.

6. Men cannot multi-task

“Honey, will you please check on my cookies in the kitchen?” “Babe, can you pile the dishes in the dishwasher for me, please?” “Hey love, Sean needs help with his Math homework.” Try requesting all these to your husband with only a few minutes in-between these tasks and he’ll conk out faster than you can say, “now.” Men, for all their worth, are not wired for multi-tasking. They cannot answer the phone while feeding the baby, nor stir the pot while one foot edges the toy closer to the wailing toddler. They have to do things one at a time. And when you’re running a household, there are times when you have to be in two or three places at the same time. Do you think any corporate-bred, Mommy-fed husband can accomplish that? Your guess is as good as ours.

While men may not be the most efficient persons to be left at home, they have their strengths, too. We’re just saying that your home may be safer if they’re at work instead, while you, ladies, govern it. There are plenty of home-based jobs that allow stay-at-home moms to earn while taking care of the chores and the children. So let’s give the breadwinner status to our dear husbands and spare them the horrid details of housekeeping. And between us, girls, we really know it’s our home we’re keeping safe from our husbands’ inability to hold everything together.



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